Bodyguard – 0

Posted: February 8, 2012 in 2011, Action, Comedy, India

Started watching this Hindu film on the plane as it was one of the biggest box office successes in India last year, but stopped halfway into the movie as plastic dinner was served. I tried to finish it, but it was so incredibly bad that I just couldn’t torture myself any longer.

Some 30 years ago an important town’s figure rescued a pregnant lady from a car wreck who gave birth to a boy, who is now working as a bodyguard in Mumbai. Indebted with gratitude the bodyguard takes on a job for this town’s figure to protect his daughter in her first days at college. Some bad guys are after her and yeah, well, it is just a set up for an action comedy where the action is ridiculous and the humour incredibly toe-crawling simple.

The start is fascinating though as the Sylvester Stallone lookalike begins to flex his arm muscles on the beats of some Indian pop song. (see below) Within 2 minutes of the movie you are thinking: is this for real? Then there is the first action scene in which the hero single-handedly rescues dozens of girls being cargoed in a container to work as slaves abroad. This is a big budget movie, yet I could clearly see the cords on which the actor is hanging while doing his stunts. In Indian action scenes you never see the actors actually hitting each other, there is always a ten cm gap. Yet the sound effects are explosive as if the actors are hitting metal boards with cricket bats. Then there is the Benny Hill inspired comical scenes which are SO bad it makes you throw up more than turbulence in the plane and makes you wonder who actually enjoyed this movie.  Then comes the love interest in typical l’Oreal advertisement style. The actress probably already celebrated her 30th birthday yet has to play an 18y old.

I have seen snippets of Bollywood successes and they basically all deal about the same thing. Man wants woman, woman ignores man, man starts singing and dancing, woman joins in, they hook up at the end.

This has nothing to do with cultural differences. This is just plain BAD, regardless if you are Indian or not.

Just for your pleasure: the somewhat gay erotic, but incredibly silly opening clip:


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