Noah – 1/2

Posted: August 7, 2014 in 1/2, 2014, Adventure, Disaster, Fantasy, Historical, USA

If it weren’t for my upset stomach, I would have fallen asleep after half an hour. What a load of crap.

Noah gets a vision from the Creator (let’s not call him God) that he should build an ark and save the animal species (and some plants too) from extinction. There’s a flood coming and all human kind will die. Yeah!

Enter Darren Aronofsky and Ari Handel who wrote a movie script based on this well-known biblical tale (which even atheists must have heard about at least once in their life). They add some giant rock creatures to help Noah build his ark and protect him from the evil descendants of Cain who came to rule the earth and they  depict the flood-defier as some lunatic man on a mission ready to kill his granddaughters because they could pro-create, hence repopulating this planet with humans again once the flood was over.

But hey, we’re still here. So he didn’t kill his grand daughters!

There is absolutely NO tension in this movie at all. The action is boring. The special effects are ridiculous. The acting is more like rehearsing for a school play. The way the gorgeous and talented Emma Watson expresses her joy of being pregnant would be slammed by any acting teacher. DRAMA!

This movie makes me appreciate season 2 of Game Of Thrones much more. At least that fantasy show looks good. This just doesn’t.

The building of the ark is one of those cool stories from the bible which appeals to many of its readers. Even the critical ones. It’s apocalyptic and it has all these animals! It makes you wonder why the animals didn’t kill each other during the flood or why there weren’t any native americans, blacks or asians on board of the vessel. Sure it’s all a fairy tale retold over and over again from the Greeks to the Jews to the Christians to the Muslims. But it’s an important one. Read the book of genesis (for children) and fill in the gaps with your own fantasy. Skip this interpretation.



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