Archive for the ‘Action’ Category

Watched this a week ago.

Kinda forgot what it was all about.

Ah yes. Marvel Universe. Female heroine. Sassy Brie Larson. Funny Samuel Jackson. Chase scenes. Aliens. A plot twist. A lot of confusion. Earthlings bonding with aliens against a common evil force. Nineties. Cool soundtrack.

www.imdb.com/title/tt4154664

 

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The Meg

Posted: December 19, 2018 in 2018, Action, China, USA

Crap movie #2

Scientists have discovered that underneath the ‘bottom’ of the deepest sea, there is another world. A submarine is able to ‘penetrate’ into this new world, only to be attacked by a monster. There is only one person that can rescue them: Jason Statham. However, in doing so, an opening is created between this new underwater world and the oceans as we know them. Et voila: the monster escapes and is now terrorizing first the scientists and later a beach resort.

This. Movie. Is. Terrible.

When it comes to shark movies, there’s only one really good one. The original Jaws, the best movie of all times. That movie is so clever and flawless and has stood the test of time as well. Many other shark movies have followed and some were actually quite pleasant. But this one is just crap. There is NO horror at all. There are NO thrills at all. There’s hardly any action. And the visual effects are lame. Plus, the humor is childish. Like the four mentions of ‘penetrating’ the new world, followed by giggling of an international cast.

When Jaws came out, a movie was a blockbuster when it made money at the US market. Nowadays, a movie is only a blockbuster when it makes money globally. It’s a trend which has been going on for several years now. An action movie, made with a big budget, needs to not only please North American and European audiences, but it also needs to be a hit in China especially, and in Japan, South Korea, Russia, India, Brasil, etc… Globalism is great. But when it comes to cinema, it’s not. Production companies just make superficial fare to please as many markets as possible. Jaws was so American, yet so universal. This movie is so… nothing.

It makes me want to watch the three Sharknado sequels and appreciate them even more

www.imdb.com/title/tt4779682

 

Ready Player One – *(*)

Posted: November 21, 2018 in 2018, Action, Animation, USA, X1/2

Steven Spielberg may be 70 or so, but he still knows how to make movies that appeal to a younger moviegoing audience. Respect. The idea of this movie isn’t bad and the execution isn’t either. But most of the story is set in a second life like alternative reality and that’s a big turn-off if you’re not part of the target audience. If you grew up playing video games (or if you are still a gamer), this may be a lot of fun. If you didn’t, it’s chaos.

The future looks horrible. It’s 2045 and people live in skyscrapers made out of trailers and cars and other unstable stuff. Life sucks and the only way to escape it is to enter the ‘Oasis’, a virtual reality place where everyone can be who they want to be. The creator of this second world has passed away and left a few keys in his creation that need to be found. Whoever owns the keys will get control over this alternate society. So far, so good. Wade is a teenager who is obsessed about this quest and is – like many others – determined to find the keys. By clever thinking, he finds the first one, but then the troubles start. Suddenly he starts having enemies and his life in both realities is in danger. So far, still good.

But then the real action and adventure starts and it is filled with references to pop culture. The references to other games are legio and are very confusing. The references to recent movie classics are fun, but not too subtle. The references to music are a joke.

It’s not a bad movie, it’s just… well… not for me.

www.imdb.com/title/tt1677720/

The Commuter

Posted: October 23, 2018 in 2018, Action, Hijack, USA

You can’t really blame anyone for making this crap. Apparently there are people out there who want to watch this bullshit. You have to give credit to studios for producing these things, ‘cos they make money out of it. This is probably how it went at the producers’ desk: “Hey, people dig Liam Neeson in the everyday hero part going to extremes to protect his family. Let’s put him on a train this time. Don’t spend money on the script and get a cheap director who doesn’t look at details and only needs a few days to shoot. Oh and release it in Europe, Russia and some other international markets and maybe we’ll get some money out of it at the US box office as well.” “Deal”.

This is terrible. Back in the late eighties this movie would have gone straight to vhs. It’s the kind of movie you expect on a long bus ride in central america, dubbed in Spanish. Everything in this movie in unoriginal and a total mess. This story has been told so many times before. Or at least it feels like it’s been told so many times before. Everything is done by the handbook. First ten minutes: introduce the character. Explain to the audience why he will do what he’s going to do. EXPLAIN his past, his financial problems. SHOW his family and the bond he has with them. Also introduce a few vague characters that will end up being the bad guys at the end. Then: introduce the characters that will ‘matter’ in the rest of the movie. SHOW each and one of them a la Murder On The Orient Express. Then add the random stranger who gives him a task that is so ridiculous that nobody, even with a past in the police force or in financial need, will even try to attempt. Then let him execute the job and fill up an hour with random encounters on the train. Add a few fights. Try to deceive the audience with focussing on people that have nothing to do with the story at all, but look ‘suspicious’. Add a murder, done so terribly well that nobody notices on a busy commuter train. Oh, make sure the train derails as well. And come with a surprise in the end that’s already obvious from the very first minutes of the movie.

NO, motherfuckers, NO.

Now, this all could have been okay, if the details had been correct. But no. There is no consistency. The main character finds 25.000 dollars, puts it in his shoulder bag and then LEAVES the bag on a seat to go make a phone call. Then does all kinds of things without the shoulder bag and then suddenly wears it again. IT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE.

What a waste of time.

www.imdb.com/title/tt1590193

Ocean’s 8 – **

Posted: July 18, 2018 in 2018, Crime/Detective, Heist, USA, XX

It’s quite remarkable to make a heist movie with an all-female cast that is quite entertaining without ever being funny, mesmerizing, action-packed or thrilling. Maybe it’s just the speed at which the story unfolds and the clever editing. The soundtrack is good too and it all just looks like pure fun. It’s definitely not the story itself. A bunch of women decide to steal a century old necklace during the Met Gala. Mission impossible, made possible, by making it look easy. It’s also not the great acting. Apart from Anne Hathaway maybe, none of the stars really convince. No, this is a movie, which doesn’t annoy, even entertains at moments, but is so easily forgotten.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5164214

Why did I even bother ?

This is utter crap. Nothing works. The acting is terrible. The dinosaurs are boring. The story is silly. The action only happens in the last quarter or so, but by then, your attention span is long gone.

Part three seems to have a good premise though, so maybe we’ll give that one another chance. But this sequel is redundant.

Avengers: Infinity War – **

Posted: June 2, 2018 in 2018, Action, Fantasy, USA, XX

Yes, it’s entertaining. It’s action packed and there’s some humor in it. It doesn’t bore at all, even though it’s a long movie. But somehow, I’m not digging these marvel comic heroes. The X-Men franchise is much cooler. And nothing beats the Star Wars universe. But these Avengers: No. I’m not even sure if the movie would be that much more entertaining and funny if I had seen all of the other MCU movies. Probably not. I’m not in a hurry to catch up. Although I might just want to watch Dr Strange. He seems like a cool character. But none of these other heroes have any personality. It may be fun for fans to see all these superheroes have short cameos, but for others (me) this overload of cameos is confusing and unnecessary. And the visit to Wakanda is definitely not good. Chadwick Boseman looks like he’s bored to death in the 5 minutes you see his face as Black Panther. Which can be said by all of these big names, pretty much having only 5 minutes of screen time.

Josh Brolin though, the ‘bad guy’ from Deadpool 2, is the bad guy in this movie as well. What a year he’s having! He’s actually pretty good and steals the show. He’s actually the one you root for the most.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt4154756/