Archive for the ‘Horror’ Category

Midsommar – (*)

Posted: December 27, 2019 in 1/2, 2019, Fantasy, Horror, USA

Ari Aster keeps getting rave reviews for his movies. Not sure why. Hereditary is the most over-hyped movie of 2018. And this one. Well, it’s better, but still.

Of course, these pictures will never be nominated for a razzie award. They are considered arthouse. And arthouse movies can’t be crap. Only mainstream blockbuster movies can be viciously attacked and ridiculed.

Four American students get invited by a Swedish friend to experience an ancient pagan ritual, held every 90 years, in the north of his home country. The guys study anthropology and one of their girlfriends studies psychology. So far so good. So far, an interesting premise.

However, the movie starts with a focus on the girlfriend, months before the trip. Her sister just committed suicide (and killed her parents in the act) and she’s not getting enough support from her boyfriend (one of the anthropology students). This takes up about 20 minutes and is already boring after ten.

Then the action finally takes places in Sweden (even though it’s filmed in Hungary). The imagery is nice, the costumes as well. It’s an interesting setting. Until the pagan community turns out to be a sekt with strange rituals. And then it’s really downhill from there. Nothing makes sense. There is no horror. There is no tension. There is no humor. There is bad acting. The dialogues are crap. The plot twists aren’t twists at all. The surprise elements are predictable because of the slow scenes leading up to them. It’s terrible.

The whole explanation of the circle of life which ends at 72 is ridiculous if the makers stress that the festival only takes place every 90 years.

Utter crap.

But still (*) for having finished it and because so few movies get that rating.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8772262/

US – **(*)

Posted: March 29, 2019 in 2019, Fantasy, Horror, USA, XX1/2

The horror hype movie of the moment: US. 

Hyped horror movies! They normally turn out to be big disappointments (Hereditary? It?). But you know what? This is actually not a bad movie at all. It’s not scary and it’s slow. But it’s originally weird. A lot doesn’t make sense, but it’s entertaining from start to finish.

The story is simple. Somehow there’s an alternate world of shadows living in abandoned tunnels and empty undergrounds. They’ve been hiding there for decades (or centuries.. who knows), but now they’re ready to come out of their shelters and take over the world. By killing the humans they are identical shadows of.

The focus lies with one family who you can easily relate to. The dorky dad. The bossy mom. The bored teenage daughter. And the imaginative younger son. The director takes his time to introduce them. They are a close family, but each live in their own little world. Once they are confronted with their shadows, who try to break into their summer home and kill them off, the movie gets rolling. And it doesn’t stop.

Plus: there’s a great scary instrumental version of Luniz’s “I Got 5 On It” in one of the scarier scenes. A highlight.

www.imdb.com/title/tt6857112/

 

 

Bird Box – *

Posted: January 6, 2019 in 2018, Fantasy, Horror, Science Fiction, USA, X

45 million Netflix users have watched this apocalyptic horror movie within a week of its release. According to Netflix of course. It may be true though. And even when it isn’t true, the media picked up on it and made it the popcorn movie everyone is talking about.

But no-one is talking about it positively. The overall feeling is that of disappointment. This is not a good movie. It’s not living up to the hype. Earlier this year a similar movie scored really well at the regular box office and was far superior. A Quiet Place had the perfect balance between drama and horror. This one has no balance at all. It’s a mess.

The story is absurd. Out of nowhere a ‘presence’ makes people commit suicide on the spot. The only solution is to survive with a blindfold on. Sandra Bullock plays one of those survivors, who finds refuge in a house. Five years later, she’s urged to escape with two little kids as the house isn’t safe anymore. A new rescue centre is welcoming her but getting there is tricky as it’s down the river.

A Quiet Place made more sense, even though it’s also about a supernatural ‘presence’. In that movie people couldn’t make a sound and had to be quiet to survive. The audience could easily relate and feel the tension when a sound was made. In this movie in order to survive you have to be blind. So, the only way to feel the same tension as the characters is to not look. Well, that’s not really working if you’re watching a movie, is it?

Go watch Roma instead.

www.imdb.com/title/tt2737304

Jaws 3(-D)

Posted: December 23, 2018 in 1983, Horror, USA

Crap movie #3

Someone said The Meg wasn’t that bad.

After having re-watched Jaws 3-D without the 3D effects, it’s true. The Meg isn’t that bad. In fact, compared to the third Jaws-movie, the Meg is a masterpiece.

This movie is so bad, that you would rate it negatively. It’s so bad, that it’s not even good anymore. Other movies are so bad that they become cult and funny. This one is so bad that all the bad movies  you see from now on are good compared to his nonsense.

It’s on Netflix, but the 3D effects don’t work. Do. Not. Attempt. To. Watch. It!

It’s basically about a great white shark entering a man-made Sea World like lagoon. It takes forever before the first attack happens. And none of the following attacks make any sense. This is a huge embarrassment for Hollywood.

www.imdb.com/title/tt0085750

 

Revenge – **(*)

Posted: September 4, 2018 in 2017, France, Horror, Revenge, XX1/2
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A rich businessman brings his mistress to a desolate hideaway in the desert. He’s there for an annual hunting trip with two of his associates, who arrive a bit too early and get to know the girl as well. There’s a pool party, a lot of alcohol and the next day, the girl gets violated by one of the buddies. Once the businessman finds out, he defends his friends and pushes her off a cliff, where she gets impaled on a pointy tree branch.

However, the girl isn’t dead and she’s out for revenge.

And this is the moment where the real movie experience starts. The girl survives a deadly fall, being impaled, being shot at several times etc… She manages to survive in the desert, fix her wounds, run around with a heavy machine gun, aim a riffle successfully, etc…  Every setback makes her stronger.

Nothing is logical in this movie. But that’s not the point. It’s a visually and auditive stunning neo-cult classic. There’s only four actors (well, five if you count the helicopter pilot) and there are only a few settings. It must have been a low-budget production, but the camerawork is excellent. The action is non stop and entertaining. The gore is abundant. And there’s nakedness! Not by the female protagonist, but by the rich businessman who spends the last 15 minutes of the movie running around in the nude.

That character is played by Kevin Janssens, a Flemish actor who’s a bit of a local celebrity, appearing in the gossip magazines for this affairs with other local celebrities. BUT, he’s actually a fine actor and he chooses his roles cleverly. He could have gone for the commercial mainstream parts, but he does a lot of these weird indie things. And he does it well.

The movie didn’t get a local release though. It didn’t get a wide release at all. But it’s available on iTunes and highly recommended. Unless you can’t stand bloodshed and want a logical story. Then this is not for you. But try it, you may be impressed by the cool cinematography.

www.imdb.com/title/tt6738136

A Quiet Place – ***

Posted: July 18, 2018 in 2018, Horror, USA, XXX

Forget about Hereditary, this is a much much better and creepier horror story!

Everything works well in this one. Kudos to John Krasinski, who directed himself and his wife in this exceptional scifi horror neo-cult classic. He must have watched hundreds of horror movies, because he uses a lot of clever tricks that may not be all that original, but work really well. The story is simple: there are some creatures on earth who kill anything that makes a sound. No blablabla about the apocalypse or government plans to fight these monsters. No. Just the story of a family trying to survive by making as little sounds as possible. Background information is given by shots of new paper headlines. Nothing is explained. It’s just very clear what the movie is about. We watch only a few days in their journey, the days where events take a bad turn. The visual storytelling is excellent, which is the work of the director. There is hardly any dialogue, just the use of sign language and some whispering. There are hardly any other characters than the family. It’s short and the end is brilliant. It’s great.

Yet, there are a few flaws. For a movie that focuses on silence, the soundtrack is pretty loud, repetitive, boring and annoying. It’s also not really a movie that you want to watch again. And the monsters just look like Alien-rip offs.

But hey, it was made for less than 20 mio dollars and made more than 330 mio world wide!

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt6644200

 

 

Hereditary

Posted: June 23, 2018 in 2018, Horror, USA

No.

Unless you like creepy neo-horror movies in which nothing happens that scares a normal person.

This movie makes no sense at all. The acting is terrible. The atmosphere is as dead as the people who die in it. Sometimes it’s there, to be gone a second later.

Reviewers who rate this great got paid. A lot of money. No lover of movies can call this crap good.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt7784604