Archive for the ‘X’ Category

La Fille De Monaco – *

Posted: July 30, 2017 in 2008, Drama, France, Romance, Thriller, X

A lawyer receives protection from a body guard, sent by the son of his client in a murder case. It takes a while, but after a few days there is a connection between both men who like each other’s company.  And just when you think the story will evolve into a gay romantic adventure in Monte Carlo, a young fresh actress appears on screen who steals the heart of everyone. She has her eye set on the lawyer, but dated the bodyguard in the past…

Intriguing plot synopsis.

Poor execution.

Roschdy Zem (the bodyguard) is quite impressive, as always, but he looks lost in the bizarre dialogues and the crazy story that leads to nothing good at all. This was probably set up as a mix between a romantic comedy and crime thriller, but there’s is no romance, no comedy, no crime and no thrilling element….

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1139800

 

The Expendables – *

Posted: July 20, 2017 in 2010, Action, USA, X

There are times when the brain doesn’t want to think and just be entertained. With action and laughter. And a little bit of nostalgia. The Expendables has a lot of car chases/shootings/explosions, silly one liners and cinema heroes from the eighties.

However, somehow, all these elements don’t really make the experience entertaining enough. More than 200 people get killed in this one. (in fact 221 according to Kill Count) But none of them are really killed in a cool Tarantino kind of way. Apart from that one scene where Stallone stabs a guy in the throat and then turns around the knife a few times. Not really cool, but at least it was different.

Yes, it’s a movie with and directed by Sylvester Stallone. And yes, the list of cast members is impressive. But most of them just have cameo’s. That one scene with Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger is funny, but redundant. You watch this movie because you want to see the interaction between these guys, not for a one scene joke.

There’s a story of course. But it’s too silly to even start summarizing.

The Expendables 2 is also on the shelf. (they only cost 1 euro). But not sure if it will ever make it to the dvd player.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1320253/

Trainwreck – *

Posted: May 18, 2017 in 2015, Comedy, USA, X

Ehm.

No.

Sorry, Amy. You are not thát funny.

For every good joke there are at least twenty bad ones.

And sure, it’s great to play a woman that does whatever women think men do all the time. But it’s not consistent.

So, yeah.

No.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3152624

Movie night in Caen (Normandy, France).

Conversation at the cashier’s desk:

* So, all movies are dubbed here? 

– Yes, everything is VF. (Version Francaise, French version)

* Shit/Merde

– But you speak French really well!

* Thanks, but I don’t really want to see an American movie in French. 

– How do you watch it then? 

* Euh. The original version (with subtitles).

– We don’t do that here in France. 

* Yes, you do. In Lille, Strasbourg, Lyon and Paris your movie theatre chain shows the original ones. 

–  Ah, but this is Caen. This is France. Maybe you can watch the new King Kong. It’s a silly movie with special effects and not much blabla. 

*  Ok. 

That’s why Kong: Skull Island is on here. A movie, so silly, you can watch it in the dubbed version and feel like you haven’t missed the original language at all. Because it is very clear that Warner Studios made this movie to be dubbed in any single language in the world to attract the largest crowd possible. Moonlight it is not.

At times the movie has a flash of excitement. It’s actually quite cool to set the story in the seventies, accompanied by a soundtrack with classics from that decade. The beginning actually makes sense. A ‘lost’ Vietnam war resulting in a bitter colonel out for a successful mission. The introduction of new technology (satellites) discovering an unknown island. The cold war enticing a race for any new discovery against the Russians… In fact, once they arrive on the island they are met by Kong, the giant gorilla living on the island, who single-handedly smashes all the helicopters entering his territory. You don’t have to wait until the finale to see the creature make his presence. All pretty cool.

But then it starts becoming a bit ridiculous with references to all kinds of movies from the past. It’s like Jurassic Park meets Apocalypse Now meets a World Wrestling Federation smackdown. That ‘fight’ between Kong and some vicious raptor will excite all the MMA fans out there. And the acting is terrible. The Oscar winning Brie Larson can get ready to win a Razzie now…

But. It’s worth switching off your brain for and not leaving the theatre.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3731562

the french trailer (of course)

 

Café Society – *

Posted: February 1, 2017 in 2016, romcom, USA, X

Nerdy Jew goes to Hollywood in the hope his rich uncle will give him a job in the movie industry. There he meets his uncle’s hot secretary and falls in love. Unfortunately, the girl already has a boyfriend even though she loves spending time with her new ‘best friend’. When her boyfriend breaks up, he’s quick to use her vulnerability to score. All goes fine until the ex boyfriend divorces from his wife and tries to get back with the secretary. Yes, HIS secretary.

This very predictable romcom lacks romance nor comedy. It’s an incredibly boring story told by an uninspired storyteller and performed by actors who miss the talent of reciting funny dialogue and lack chemistry when put next to each other.

It’s the kind of movie that makes you understand why some people find Woody Allen (director) and Kirsten Stewart (the secretary) overrated. It’s the kind of movie that proofs again that Jesse Eisenberg (the nerdy jew) is a very boring and annoying actor to look at.

Oh, but the set design and recreation of thirties Hollywood en New York safe it from being a total waste of time.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt4513674

 

If you’re a fan of Batman or Superman or any DC comic, you may appreciate this action vehicle. If you’re not, you’ll get easily bored. In fact, after half an hour, you’ll be checking your instagram account, getting something out of the fridge, go to the washroom, make a phone call, chat a bit on whatsap, check the score of the movie on metaritic and leave twitter with the hashtag #whydowefeeltheneedtowatchbadmoviesuntiltheend .

The first half hour is okay though. Kinda looks promising with its stellar cast. It has Amy Adams as Lois Lane! But no-one stands out. There are absolutely no acting skills required for their parts. They could have just used debutants. The action is ok. The special effects as well done. Probably more efficient in a movie theatre than at home. But the story. There’s just too much going on. And none of it makes sense. What’s the deal with alien-phobic humans and Batman being afraid of the supernatural powers of Superman who only means well. And what’s the beef between Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne? Go dig deeper, team of scriptwriters!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2975590/

This looked like it would be a fun movie to watch. The trailer promises quirky humor and some action and adventure for both kids and adults. And there is some quirky humor and some action and some adventure. But this is for kids really. Not for adults.

The soundtrack is annoying as hell. The kid is annoying as hell. Sam Neill is annoying as hell. Almost all the side characters are annoying as hell. The CGI is annoying as hell.

So, yeah, disappointing. Not sure how this can win so many awards.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt4698684