Archive for the ‘X’ Category

Paterson – *

Posted: January 15, 2018 in 2016, Drama, USA, X

A score of 90 on Metacritic! What drugs were these reviewers on? What did they get in return for a positive review? Free rides on the New Jersey Transit? Man. What the fuck. Give me 90 minutes on the bus anytime anywhere and it will be more compelling than watching this ‘arthouse’ dramedy. The poetry suck. The main character sucks. The story building sucks. The acting sucks. The directing sucks. There’s NOTHING compelling about this story.

It’s one week in the boring life of a boring bus driver who secretly writes boring poems and lives with a boring wife who does boring things. He goes for a drink every night in the boring neighborhood bar, where he has boring conversations with other boring characters.

15 metacritic reviewers gave it a perfect store!!! I’ll give it *. Because it’s the first Jim Jarmush movie I finished (an achievement on its own). And a few scenes made me smile. Almost to the point that I thought it was funny.

But this could have been such a good movie if only the characters and there actions would be intriguing.


Gone Too Far – *

Posted: January 7, 2018 in 2013, Comedy, NIgeria, UK, X

There seems to be a beef between black people from the Caribbean (Jamaica, Barbados) and black people from Africa (Nigeria, Ghana). In London that is. It’s the running joke/comment of this low budget comedy about two brothers who are united after being separated for a long time (one grew up in England, the other in Nigeria). The old brother arrives from Africa and wants his little brother to show him around, but he’s too ashamed of his ‘African’ behavior.  He’s more interested in a girl from the block, who’s a real bitch and has no eyes for him because he’s Nigerian and she’s Jamaican. She just flirts with him to get her ex boyfriend jealous and that works.

The idea is okay and it’s cool that the story takes place within 24 hours. But the jokes are lame, the characters are weak and the acting is silly.

Jonas – *

Posted: December 27, 2017 in 2015, Brasil, Crime/Detective, X

In the days leading up to Carnival, a young adolescent finally feels confident to share his feelings for the daughter of his mother’s boss. They have known each other since they were kids, but the social class differences made them go separate ways as teenagers. She’s a big flirt though and loves the attention. Not only from him, but from everyone around the block where they live, including a drug dealing criminal.

The first 20 minutes or so, we get introduced to these stereotypical characters. The flirtatious girl, who gets everything she wants.  The confident local criminal. His dumb associates, who compensate not having a brain by shouting loud and aggressively when talking. The hard-working mom, who raises two children from different dads. The cheating husband who’s also an alcoholic. The wealthy parents of the girl, who rely on their housemaids to do everything, from cleaning to raising their spoiled brats. Sigh. Yes, it’s Brazil. Yes all these types exist. Yes, it’s boring to see them every single time.

The story get ridiculous when the main character of the story, Jonas, finds out that the girl of his dreams is secretly having an affair with the drug dealer. He confronts them and in a sudden move takes the gun from the drug dealer (because that’s what drug dealers in Brazil do: walk around with a gun) and shoots him. Dead. He drugs the girl (because sleeping pills are easily available), cleans up the mess, gets rid of the body, leaves the scene of the crime and ties up the girl inside the frame of a huge construction looking like whale, which will be a big attraction in the carnival parade. This happens without any witnesses. At all. In Sao Paulo, the busiest and largest metropole of South America.

Okay, fine. It’s a premise. It doesn’t make you stop watching the movie, but it doesn’t feel like it’s going to get any better. However, the acting by Jesuita Barbosa and Laura Nelva is good and somehow you want to know what’s coming next. But the story fails. This young kid holds the girl of his dreams captive. And she kind of likes it. In the mean time of course, the parents are worried and the drug dealing gang starts missing their leader. But their reactions don’t make sense. All of the action from every single character is very implausible.


The Night Before – *

Posted: December 19, 2017 in 2015, Comedy, USA, X

It’s a comedy featuring Seth Rogen, so there are drugs involved. Surprise! He’s a settled down / soon to be father who wants to hang with his two best friends the night before Xmas. They’ve been doing it for the past ten years and maybe this night is the last night they can do it.

Seth Rogen’s character gets a box of drugs to go party. A bit of weed, some mushrooms, some coke and some xtc. Great! It seems like every comedy coming from Hollywood is promoting drugs like it’s the most normal thing to do. Maybe that’s how movies get financed nowadays. Who will tell.

One of the friends is a softy who wants to win back the love of his life (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) . The other is a nerdy sportsman on steroids (Anthony Mackie). The tree of them are in for a Hangover like adventure.

Yes, some scenes are funny. But it’s all so meaningless and stupid. It’s the kind of movie that cost hardly anything and probably made ten times its investment. Because it’s a christmas movie!

It was a 99 cent rental this week, so they won’t make that much money, but still.

All Eyez On Me – *

Posted: December 19, 2017 in 2017, biopic, Musical, USA, X

Back in the early nineties some rapper was successful for a few years, making headlines not only because of his quick rise in hiphop, but more because of the criminal offenses he committed. He was the ‘voice of a generation’. At least in the States. Nobody in Europe cared. Only California Love made it to some European charts while he was alive. But then he got shot and his murder remained a mystery. Suddenly this rapper, Tupac Shakur, became a legend. His posthumous released song Changes topped the charts and a successful greatest hits album followed. Still, most people know him of his portrait prints on t-shirts and posters. In the hiphop culture, he’s revered like Jimmy Hendrix is idolized by guitar soloists. He’s an icon. And every icon needs a good biopic.

But we’ll just have to wait for that good biopic then, because All Eyez On Me definitely isn’t.

This just feels like a cinematic wikipedia page. The story is chronologically told. First as part of an interview while he is in prison. And then continued with the events leading up to his killing. The guy is an icon, so he must be interesting, no? Well, maybe if you’re into hiphop and into bad boys making it big. If you didn’t care about him when he was alive and don’t own any of his music because it’s just not your thing, then this is just a waste of time. A great movie should make you feel interested in the story of the main character, even when it’s not in your comfort zone. This movie just sucks. Bad acting. Unoriginal storytelling. Shying away from controversy. No focus on the talent. The movie is over and you’re thinking: why do people like this guy? That cannot possibly have been the goal of the producers of this movie. Straight Out Of Compton it is not.

Just google the name Tupac Shakur and read articles about the guy to understand why his legacy is still popular.


Hancock – *

Posted: November 6, 2017 in 2008, Action, Uncategorized, USA, X

The idea is kind of cool. There’s a superhero in LA, who lives like a bum, is an alcoholic and reluctantly saves lives if someone asks him too. However in his attempts to get the bad guys, he damages a lot of roads and buildings and that costs a lot of money to society.  He’s also far from pleasant to the people he rescues and the passers-by. In short: he needs a PR guy and guess what? He just happens to save the life of a PR- man who wants to give something back in return. Little does the PR-man know that his new girlfriend has the same superhero powers like the guy he’s trying to help.

The good thing about this action movie is that it’s short. 80 minutes or so. That’s still more than an average viewer can take. If you like seeing roads and buildings being destroyed during superhero battles, than this one’s for you! If you don’t, skip it. Even when you’re a Will Smith or Charlize Theron fan. This just isn’t worth the watch.

In case you wonder why this is one here: it was a 99 cent rental and all the fuss about the ‘gay’ characters made it intriguing.


This is crap movie. The live action doesn’t add anything to the story. Unlike The Jungle Book, which was great fun. The CGI is terrible. A talking clock and chandelier? It does NOT work in live action. Even when they are interpreted by Ewan McGregor and Ian McKellen. In fact, all the acting is terrible too. Not even Emma Watson can save this from being a total disaster. But a lucrative disaster. The most profitable movie of the year (so far). It makes you wonder how many people went to see it again after having suffered to watch it the first time around.

Then the ‘gay’ moments. There’s a flamboyant effeminate character, yes. If that’s your definition of ‘gay’ than there you go, Disney has its first gay character. But it’s an annoying twat. Hooray for gay emancipation! A poof representing the community in a ‘fairy’ tale. More fun is that short scene when three soldiers get magically dressed like girls and one actually likes it. That was more tongue in cheek.

Not a good movie.