Archive for the ‘2013’ Category

White House Down – *(*)

Posted: April 3, 2020 in 2013, Action, Terrorist, USA, X1/2

On tv and great pulp entertainment during corona times.

The acting is terrible. The plot is even worse. The special effects aren’t that spectacular.

But before you know it, the movie is over and you’re ready to head to bed not thinking about the world right now.

A security agent wants to work in the white house and be a bodyguard for the president. On the day of his application he brings along his daughter, but a terrorist attack takes places and they are trapped. This is thé day to prove that he can be a hero to his kid and  a hero to the president.

Yeah. It’s that silly.

www.imdb.com/title/tt2334879

Life Of Crime – *(*)

Posted: March 19, 2019 in 2013, Comedy, Crime/Detective, USA, X1/2

This came on and looked intriguing. Two amateur criminals decide to kidnap the wife of a rich businessman. However, they didn’t prepare the job that well. They had no clue that the rich businessman has an affair with a younger starlet and is filing for a divorce. And they also had no clue that the wife has an affair with her neighbor, who shows up at the moment of the kidnapping.

The first 20 minutes are okay. The movie feels a bit like a Coen-brothers production. It has all the elements of a dark satire. But then somehow things get serious. And the story becomes a mess. The jokes aren’t funny anymore. The end is okay again, but by then, it feels like they had to wrap it up fast. Too bad. It had potential.

www.imdb.com/title/tt1663207

 

Lovelace – *

Posted: October 10, 2018 in 2013, Drama, USA

(sigh)

The star of the infamous porn movie Deep Throat didn’t have such a nice experience making the movie. Surprise!

Girl meets aggressive, addicted pimp, falls in love, runs away from home, marries the douch, learns how to give him a blow job, gets beaten by him, is forced to do porn and recounts her story.

There you go. No need to watch the movie really.

Sharon Stone is pretty impressive though. As the mother, to be clear.

The original porn movie is available online, but sucks. Literally and figuratively. It may be a ‘cult’ classic, but it’s hard to watch the entire thing. The porn actors sure were ugly back in the early seventies.

www.imdb.com/title/tt1426329

Recommended by a friend of mine, it’s a tough sit-through. And the first season only has six episodes. It’s about a young man (more like an old teenager) who discovers that he’s gay. Okay, fine. A good premise maybe. But the guy is very awkward and plain weird at times, so it’s all a lot of bull. This isn’t a series about a guy learning to deal with his coming out. No, it’s a series about an awkward guy living his uninteresting life with his uninteresting friends and uninteresting parents. Not one character in this show is intriguing. And the conversations or monologues or situations neither.

Maybe you need to be an Australian millennial to get the jokes…

www.imdb.com/title/tt2155025

Not as captivating as Season 1, this follow-up to Top Boy is more violent, more dark, (even) more depressing and less realistic. Sure, it’s probably based on some true stories, but it’s just too much. The acting is still okay, but the characters are not at all appealing. Ashley Walter’s Dushane, the top boy in London’s crime world, can’t charm as much as in the previous episodes. Sure, he’s thinking of getting out and investing in real estate. But to cover up a murder, he continues to intimidate and kil. Unethically. The fact that he starts something sexual/romantic with his lawyer makes it all a bit too far-fetched. Malcolm Kamulete’s Ra-Nell was a total revelation in series one and plays fourth fiddle in this season. Sad, there’s more to tell about this kid. In fact, there are so many characters this time and they are not explored well enough. So, hardly anyone to care about.

Netflix is going to produce season 3. Not sure what that will bring.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1830379/

 

 

 

Gone Too Far – *

Posted: January 7, 2018 in 2013, Comedy, NIgeria, UK, X

There seems to be a beef between black people from the Caribbean (Jamaica, Barbados) and black people from Africa (Nigeria, Ghana). In London that is. It’s the running joke/comment of this low budget comedy about two brothers who are united after being separated for a long time (one grew up in England, the other in Nigeria). The old brother arrives from Africa and wants his little brother to show him around, but he’s too ashamed of his ‘African’ behavior.  He’s more interested in a girl from the block, who’s a real bitch and has no eyes for him because he’s Nigerian and she’s Jamaican. She just flirts with him to get her ex boyfriend jealous and that works.

The idea is okay and it’s cool that the story takes place within 24 hours. But the jokes are lame, the characters are weak and the acting is silly.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2451550

Minha Mãe E Uma Peça: O Filme

Posted: April 11, 2017 in 2013, Brasil, Comedy

In an attempt to understand what’s popular in Brazil, I tried to watch this blockbuster comedy, available online with English subtitles. (see below)

Not sure why I even bothered finishing.

Based on a theatre play, the comedy focuses on a middle-aged woman who’s fed up with her divorced life and her annoying teenage kids. She leaves her apartment and stays at an aunt for a while, reminiscing on her life in flashbacks. In the mean time the kids realize they miss their mom.

I guess the humor is universal. The mother is played by a man. hahahahahahahahahahahna. The children are played by adults. One is fat. The other is effeminate. hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. A woman farts. hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. The social divide is present again, but this time the cleaning lady shouts back at her boss. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. And everyone SHOUTS. As if everyone in the cast thinks they are on stage and nobody in the audience will be able to hear what they say. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

In case you haven’t understood. There is more irony in the previous paragraph than in the entire movie.

The sequel is an even bigger hit.

It’s humor. It works. Just not for me.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2464018

 

 

This is a movie for those who love Jane Austin stories, but think they are too white. It’s set in the same period of time, but this time the female heroine is a mulatto heiress.

The illegitimate daughter of a wealthy navy officer (and a slave from the West Indies) is raised by her uncle and aunt, who are already raising another niece. When her father dies she has a good fortune, but that doesn’t mean much, because as a mulatto she can’t really go higher up in society. Until a noble man fancies on marrying her, telling her that ‘unlike others’ he is ready to ignore the traits she received for her mother because ‘it is clear that the traits of her father luckily are more evident’.

In the mean time, the uncle is settling a case about a (slave ship) company that threw their human cargo overboard in order to get money back from their insurance. A young lawyer is trying to convince the uncle that he should speak against the company. Soon the mulatto heiress falls for him.

Yawn.

It’s a period piece. With a different take. But it tells the same story. It sucks being a woman at that time. Let alone a mulatto woman with money.

Somehow, British people love seeing movies and series about class distinction so they can continue using it.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2404181

True Blood Season 6 – *(*)

Posted: January 15, 2017 in 2013, Comedy, Fantasy, Horror, USA, X1/2

Well. It’s all getting a bit too much. The episodes are way too long. And there are way too many episodes. Some character are still around without actually having anything to say or do. Tara’s only moment of glory was in the finale for instance. In all the others she was just an extra. However, some scenes are still quite cool though. The gore remains funny. Sookie is still the best. Season 7 will be a drag. But we’ll persevere. One day. It’s still the best soap out there.

 

So far, every single performance of Keith Stanfield stands out. That’s the case in Atlanta, Selma, Dope, Miles Ahead, Straight Outta Compton, .. They are always just small parts in bigger movies/series, but when the end credits roll you always think about that lean black guy who steals the show by just being truthful and realistic. Maybe that’s just what his career will be like. Somewhere in between an extra and a supporting actor, but if he always delivers, it’s not such a bad career path. There are seven movies coming out in 2017 that have him on the credits! And he’s the lead in one of them (Crown Heights). Plus he’s an interesting poet rapper and he has swag! Best dressed guy at the Golden Globes and stuff. This man is the future!

Short Term 12 is his debut movie. He reprises the same role he played in a short movie five years earlier. He plays a troubled teen who fears the idea of leaving the group home he’s been at for several years as he has to go live on his own once he’s 18. He’s not the main character, but the few scenes he’s in are quite impressive. The rap his character creates and performs is written by the actor himself and is very powerful.

The movie focuses more on Grace, who works at the group home as a buddy to the troubled kids. It soon becomes clear that she as well has survived a troubled past, which comes back when the group home takes in a new girl who’s being abused by her dad.

For the first half of the movie, everything is quite realistic and the performances by the kids and young adults are great and believable. It’s Brie Larsson’s perfect performance of Grace that landed her the award winning part in Room. But by the end the semi-documentary style changes into fiction with one particular baseball bat scene that screams ‘drama’ a bit too loud. And an ending that makes American indie movies just as corny as Hollywood movies.

The best moments are the rap that Keith’s character performs about his abusive mother and the octopus/shark story told by the new kid’s character. A bit more of that and it would have been an even better movie.

The short movie is ok. But it’s not worth its 1.99 dollars on iTunes. The acting isn’t as impressive, but Keith’s in it for a few brief moments and delivers, yes, again.

This entry reads like an ode to Lakeith Lee Stanfield!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2370248